Confession: I judge people when I shouldn’t
This letter is written to the parents I have judged when I saw your child:
-hit someone
-have an extreme meltdown
-struggle to sleep every night
-unable to regulate
-scream in frustration
-throw food/objects to deal with anger/fatigue
-bite someone
-hit themselves
-scream at you in a disrespectful way
-not follow instructions
-unable to sit still
-disrupt an entire class session
-afraid to leave your side
-use a pacifier or suck on their fingers beyond age 2
-act aggressively on the playground
I am sorry.
I am sorry for passing judgement without knowing your story. I am sorry for thinking I could do a better job. I am sorry for comparing my child to yours. I am sorry for watching instead of supporting and encouraging you.
You and your child are not a failure. Or a problem. Or less than. You are humans created in the image of God and reflect beauty that only you can reflect.
You are stunning. You are admired. You are strong when you don’t want to be.
And your child? Your child is a gift. And you are your child’s gift.
You will each raise the other.
When other parents stare at you when your child does something you wish they wouldn’t, look to your child. Don’t look at the judging eyes. Look into the eyes of your child.
Your child is trying to tell you something. They may not even know what it is yet. Listen with your eyes and your heart and your compassion and your knowledge of their entire life history. Listen with more than your ears. I know that these are things I don’t need to tell you because you already do them. I just never saw it because my judgment got in the way.
I am sorry for judging you.
What I didn’t know back then is that I would become the parent I was judging. We all become the parent we judged so harshly, eventually.
At some point, with all kids, in some season, we will be the parent we used to judge—the parent whose child was brave enough to be honest about having a hard time.
To those parents: thank you, for raising these little humans.
To the little humans: thank you, for being brave and honest.
If you can do it, so can I.
I can raise brave little humans.
I can also be a brave bigger human and admit, “this is hard for me right now.”
So, to all who are having a hard time, this message is for you:
Behind every hard thing is a story. And behind every story is a good thing.
Let’s look for the good.
Let’s be the good.
